Prof. Burgensis, OHMS (On His Majesty’s Service), plenipotentiary ambassador of the Kingdom of Spanadia to the Holy See, has shared with Allium Cepa the breaking news of a new Creed in the times of Covid by the Congregation for the Doctrine of Faiths (as it is now called, see Motu Proprio “Roma locuta”, translated into English as “When in Rome”).
None of that, please.
Catholics across the country are eager to return to their parish churches after enduring months without access to the Mass. Dioceses are examining various ways in which they can safely commence public Masses and other forms of ministry. This is welcome news, but some thoughtful priests have cautioned against a rush to reopen. After all, the Church has only been closed during the balance of Lent and all of Eastertide, so there is no need to hurry back to Ordinary Time.
In a new customer-safety initiative, Lowe's home improvement warehouses today announced that they would be removing all sharp or pointy objects from store shelves. "Customer and Associate safety is our top priority," declared Rich Scareborough, Lowe's Vice President of Safety.
Mark Twain once explained that “all you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” These seem like fitting words to begin as I, quivering with emotion, scribe a few words on the death of the “fictional” Susan from the Parish Council. Her ignorance was inestimable, her confidence impenetrable, and her success undeniable.