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Prof. Burgensis, OHMS (On His Majesty’s Service), plenipotentiary ambassador of the Kingdom of Spanadia to the Holy See, has shared with Allium Cepa the breaking news of a new Creed in the times of Covid by the Congregation for the Doctrine of Faiths (as it is now called, see Motu Proprio “Roma locuta”, translated into English as “When in Rome”).

September 17, 2021

Announcing Novus Oreos!

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Are you tired of the same old Oreos from time immemorial? Are you fed up with the forced black-and-white conformity of the usual routine?

communion rituals coronavirusNone of that, please.

Catholics across the country are eager to return to their parish churches after enduring months without access to the Mass. Dioceses are examining various ways in which they can safely commence public Masses and other forms of ministry. This is welcome news, but some thoughtful priests have cautioned against a rush to reopen. After all, the Church has only been closed during the balance of Lent and all of Eastertide, so there is no need to hurry back to Ordinary Time.

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Just six more months to "slow the spread", friends. Let's be safe out there!

funny picture safety mon 540x423 2In a new customer-safety initiative, Lowe's home improvement warehouses today announced that they would be removing all sharp or pointy objects from store shelves.  "Customer and Associate safety is our top priority," declared Rich Scareborough, Lowe's Vice President of Safety.

Mark Twain once explained that “all you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” These seem like fitting words to begin as I, quivering with emotion, scribe a few words on the death of the “fictional” Susan from the Parish Council. Her ignorance was inestimable, her confidence impenetrable, and her success undeniable.

angry pope 2If hunger is the best sauce for food, one might say humor is the best antiseptic for nasty microbes. I offer Remnant and Allium-Cepa readers an octave of limericks in response to Andrea Grillo’s “Open Letter on the ‘State of Liturgical Exception.’” (A more serious reply may be found here.)

Summa theologiae, Quarta Pars, Question 69½

chicken road color

On Chickens

Concerning chickens, there are four things to be inquired into: first, whether the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side; second, whether fried chicken was instituted before the Fall; third, whether “finger-lickin’ good” is a transcendental; fouth, whether Chicken McNuggets are actual food.


VATICAN CITY (A-CNN) —Pope Francis told the few homeless folks gathered at his Wednesday Audience that fear of the Corona virus is “making us crazy.”

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VATICAN CITY, FEBRUARY 17, 2020 — The Vatican has announced the approval of the beatification of Arthur Lanley Coxcomb, a British passenger on the Titanic who was observed rearranging deckchairs from the time it started sinking until it was almost completely submerged, according to the reports of several survivors. He died apparently without realizing the utter futility of what he was doing.

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