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September 5, 2015

Kasper/Marx Wedding Update

Written by  John Fisher
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Groomsmaid Dolan Groomsmaid Dolan

Thanks to some crack work by A-CNN reporters Fortino and Baker we can confirm that Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York will be acting as the groomsmaid at the upcoming Kasper/Marx wedding, and that the happy couple are registered in the Vatican gift shop. Cardinal Dolan will wear a pink surplice and rainbow-colored stole, and what can we say, “Good for him! We congratulate him!”

Additionally, we have learned that Archbishop Diarmuid Martin, who will officiate, has taken steps to ensure that the cathedral will be empty for the wedding Mass celebration.   Cardinal Martin tells A-CNN that he made this decision in order that the two other cardinals would feel at home, because the churches in Germany are always empty.

After the wedding ceremony the couple plan to jet to the Greek Island of Mykonos for a month-long honeymoon. Cardinal Kasper says he intends to work on a five-hundred-page tome explaining what Archbishop Auza meant in his one-page “clarification” of the Holy See’s stance on abortion and contraception, while “Reinhard will work on his tan.”  

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