The Bishop of Rome sounded very, very, annoyed by this revelation, as no one paid much attention to what he was up to in Buenos Aires since very few of the people in the ghetto are married or literate. He then continued saying that he has become frustrated that people in the Universal Church are engaging in idle “chatter” and that have the gall to express their scandalization at what they have seen. Not one person in Buenos Aires, he said, had talked back to him about any theological, or other, issue.

Speaking into a microphone that artificially deepened his voice, and therefore emphasized his annoyance and his power, the Pope told people that instead of talking about what is going on in the Church, they should be concerned about God’s judgment. Using the words of Paul, the great Saint, whose words the Church wishes to ignore in giving Communion to mortal sinners, the Pope said, in essence, “Stop looking what the hierarchy and I are up to and mind your own business!”:

“This is my advice, ‘comfort each other.’ Speak about this [Judgment Day]: but I’m asking you: do we speak about this, that the Lord will come and will we meet Him? Or do we speak about so many things, including theology, things about the Church, priests, religious sisters, monsignors, all this? 

As the Pope spoke and moved his levers, smoke and an occasional hissing sound billowed forth from behind his large curtain. It was clear that he no longer could tolerate lay Catholics or priests—or anyone who is not a German Bishop and theologian who agrees with him—to discuss anything whatsoever to do with the Church, religion, or even science from now on, on pain of eternal damnation.

Unfortunately, for Pope Francis, a little girl named Mary was in the congregation, and her little terrier, whom she had named Burke, ran from her arms and, with a wagging tail, pulled the curtain back, ruining the effect entirely.