Apparently a rogue mysterious organization calling themselves Our Lady’s Rad-Trad Underground Catholic Action Group (OLRTUCAG) slipped into the detention facility work party undetected and were able to design and install their stealth electric chair devices successfully. The FBI is amazed at how such an elaborate plot went unnoticed by the Correctional Facility officials and are demanding a thorough investigation.
The undercover FBI agent became suspicious when he noticed how the Papal Chair, billed as a token of appreciation, strongly resembled the traditional electric chair, aka “Old Sparky”, less the obvious hard-wired electric attachments. His suspicion was based on his knowledge of how electric chairs work and their general design and it payed off just in time to save the neo-Church from being confronted with an otherwise Electrified Orthodox Pope having a Sensus Catholicus.
Fortunately, the agent working undercover trying to get information on an unrelated subject, noticed the electric chair design similarity and special care going into its construction. The agent informed his headquarters and from then on the FBI technical team was able to locate the hi-tech cellular controlled shocking devices implanted in the papal chair and remove them without incident.
Although the actual culprits were never discovered and escaped, the remotely controlled shocking devises were confiscated and sent to the FBI laboratories for a detailed evidence analysis. The FBI is currently working on profiling the un-subs for possible psychologic brain patterns that would indicate a traditionalist Catholic behavior pattern.
No word as yet from the OLRTUCAG conspirators and the Diocese of Philadelphia has been put on high alert in case of further intervention from the group. A spokesperson for the Archdiocese has issued a statement praising the FBI for rescuing the Pope from possibly being shocked into a Sensus Catholicus psychosis and confidently assures everyone concerned that Pope Francis will be true to his stated Vatican II mission: to bring the neo-Church down to the compatible human level of dystopianism.
"We are delighted and grateful that our partners at the Philadelphia Prison System have taken it upon themselves to devote their time and energy into crafting this beautiful chair that will certainly be a welcome present for Pope Francis as he meets with inmates and their families,” said Donna Crilley Farrell, Executive Director of the World Meeting of Families, in a press release.”
Archbishop Chaput has invited gay pseudo-families as well as normal families to join in the World Meeting of Families and Pope Francis still stands behind his statement, “Who am I to Judge” so we don’t expect any harsh words about sodomy and adultery. We can only imagine how totally awful the events of the World Meeting of Families might have turned out if the Traditionalists’ plot would have had its way and was able to shock Pope Francis into a Sensus Catholicus. Modernists and their moderate counterparts now think they can rest assured that the odds of that happening are slim at best and conventional wisdom has it that without an existential life changing experience a change in Pope Francis’ progressive modernist revolution is just not going to happen. I wouldn’t be so sure however, and believe the OLUCAG hasn’t given up hope either; and that they will continue the fight to bring all this nonsense of Pope Francis into the light of day and that there will be a time and a day for reckoning. Pray for Pope Francis, he really needs it.