A-CNN Special Report: In the continuing efforts to erase every vestige of the Pre-Vatican II Church, Ima Cardinal Hairatik addressed an assembly of the newly-formed World Homogenous Association To Elevate Various Erroneous Religions (W.H.A.T.E.V.E.R) to update what was once known as the Seven Deadly Sins in the Rigid Commands (R.C.) Church: pride, covetousness, impurity, envy, gluttony, anger and sloth. After very careful study, it was determined that these so-called vices, believed to be the root of many sins, are merely human weaknesses and frailties of which we are not to be judgmental. However, Cardinal Hairatik presented a list of Crimes Against Humanity and Nature, which will supersede the antiquated list of Deadly Sins.
The following are excerpts from Cardinal Hairatik’s address to WHATEVER outlining the catholic church of New Option’s Crimes Against Humanity and Nature:
“The Pope has opened the windows and doors of the post-Second Vatican Council Catholic Church to the wonderful world that it once mistakenly viewed as a place of darkness needing the light of Christendom.”
Breaking News: The Vatican Press Office just released a statement concerning the Vatican Plan for a New One World Order Morality based on the threat of Climate Change and the mandatory conservation of the Earth. This papal document will be revealing the indisputable science which shows the detrimental impact human beings have made on the eco system. Not only irreparable damage to the environment but, also the cruelty of capitalistic unfair disparity in the distribution of goods, education and the land practices humans exploit and invest in. A new economy is being designed to better meet the needs of the marginalized poor who want jobs and a better opportunity for social development but, never seem to get it. It has been noted that the Holy Father has been saying, “The poor you will not always have among us”. Plans to incorporate an additional hermeneutic for a new more ecumenical morality code for sharing the earth are being drawn up. Since this new morality’s central focus is the planet Earth there will be an emphasis placed on the ecumenical management of social justice through science, technology and democracy. These new ideas are a reflection and refinement of the old Marxian axiom: “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need”.
A-CNN Report—In the continuing Spirit of Vatican II, Ima Cardinal Hairatik, a reliable Vatican spokesperson, has issued a statement declaring the “New Options” of the “catholic” church, formerly known in more rigid times as The Precepts of the Church. These former Commands of the Church were given for the spiritual good of the faithful and were obliging under the pain of sin. Henceforth, the R.C. (Rigid Commands) of the now-defunct pre-conciliar Catholic Church are to be replaced with the N.O. (New Options) of the post-conciliar “catholic” church which are more in conformity with the “live and let live” attitude of the “Civilization of Love”.
#1- ( R.C.) – To assist at Mass on Sundays and Holy Days of Obligation
A GALAXY NOT THAT FAR FAR AWAY. (January 1, 2015) The Congregation for Human Worship and the Un-discipline of the Sacraments -- until the resignation of Pope Emeritus Benedict, formerly known as (f/k/a) Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments -- today announced that in an audience with Auxiliary Bishop of Rome, Francis ½ (f/k/a Bishop of Rome Francis) the Prefect obtained the signature of Francis to a cow (f/k/a a "bull" in an age dominated by masculine terminology which excluded the female gender) promulgating a new order of the Lord’s Supper (f/f/k/a the Mass).
The document, Simulans Novus OrdoMissae established the rubrics and technical specifications for what the eternal Vatican Spokesman Federico Lombardi called a Virtual New Order of Mass (VNOM). “The Vatican, taking note of the latest discoveries in social science, anthropology, psychology, technology, liturgy, and every other discipline outside of her competence, has finally realized that the most effective way to build community life is through the isolated pursuit by each individual of his, her, or its unique preferences.”
Breaking News: Vatican City Papal Address to the Church and those faithful following their consciences. The new Motu Proprio Document by Pope Nemo I is titled “Video Tuo Audio” with disciplines for the extended Modern Catholic Universal Church as regards the proper comportment for the required new Sunday fulfillment of Ordinary Eucharistic Mass attendance obligations:
The modern Church is rapidly moving away from the traditional parochial community to the more pan-religious community. Today, in fact, the average age of priests has approached retirement age. With this evolution of extra-ecclesiology and concurrent shortage of priest presiders the use of brick and mortar structures has become obsolete. Economic assets have been reduced to critically low proportions due primarily to legal fees and debt compensation needed for clerical pedophilia indiscretion.
A-CNN Super-Duper Report—A reliable Vatican spokesperson, Cardinal Ima Hairatik, startled the Catholic world by declaring that the Holy Eucharist, formerly believed to be the Body and Blood of Christ, is merely blessed bread and wine offered as a remembrance of Christ’s words at the Last Supper.
Henceforth, the following guidelines will be instituted in “catholic” churches throughout the world:
A-CNN Vatican Report, December 19, 2014 -- In a surprise move The Pope of “Surprises” announced to the public this morning that the cause for sainthood has finally made its way through the Congregation for the Causes of Saints and a date was set for the Beatification of Blessed Archbishop Marcel François Marie Joseph Lefebvre.
Pope Francis has always admired the Archbishop’s traditionalist rigidity and devotion to the objective truth and discipline of the Supreme Magisterium and the entire deposit of Holy Faith. Expressed in many ways of kindness towards the SSPX and the laity who adhere to the Holy Catholic Faith it really is no surprise that Pope Francis has supported the efforts of Bishop Williamson in taking up the Archbishop’s cause for sainthood.