A-CNN Special Report: Now that the Vatican has ended its seven-year investigation of the Looney Communities of Women Rebels (LCWR), a jubilant Ima Cardinal Hairatik called a press conference in order to lay to rest once and for all the lies and deceits of the “Good Sisters of Old” (various pre-conciliar women’s religious orders). The major points of the Cardinal’s statements are as follows:
- The Vatican is painfully aware that students taught in pre-Vatican II Catholics schools still harbor malicious fallacies perpetrated by nuns teaching in Catholic diocese world-wide. Whether their intentions were noble or not, the fact remains that these former rigid teachings are in conflict with the new theology being promoted by the Post-Vatican II Church and the Sisters of the LCWR.
A-CNN, 4-24-2015 – Allium-Cepa has just learned that the director of the Vatican Press Office, Fr. Federico Lombardi, S.J., held an emergency press conference this morning. The purpose of the meeting was to announce to the media some particulars about the Missionaries of Mercy that Pope Francis will be dispatching across the globe during the “Year of Mercy”.
Fr. Lombardi opened the press conference with the announcement, “I would like to begin by stating that while this new development from Pope Francis is surprising, nonetheless I am certain that this is truly the ‘aggiornamento autentico’ that the Church needs at this time.”
“This morning while I was having breakfast with Bergoglio… I mean, the Holy Father, His Holiness informed me as he buttered his scone that he felt the best choice of priests to act as his Missionaries of Mercy are those of the Society of Saint Pius X.”