A-CNN Vatican Report, December 19, 2014 -- In a surprise move The Pope of “Surprises” announced to the public this morning that the cause for sainthood has finally made its way through the Congregation for the Causes of Saints and a date was set for the Beatification of Blessed Archbishop Marcel François Marie Joseph Lefebvre.
Pope Francis has always admired the Archbishop’s traditionalist rigidity and devotion to the objective truth and discipline of the Supreme Magisterium and the entire deposit of Holy Faith. Expressed in many ways of kindness towards the SSPX and the laity who adhere to the Holy Catholic Faith it really is no surprise that Pope Francis has supported the efforts of Bishop Williamson in taking up the Archbishop’s cause for sainthood.
(A-CNN Special Extra Edition) Based on recent discoveries uncovered in an ancient Romanesque Crypt found in the remote recesses of the Argentinian campuses, the Vatican today proudly announced the authenticity of the Gospel According to Frank. Cardinal Izzy Offthecuffski, the Prefect of The Pontifical Anthropological and Archeological Scientific Synodical Commission on Scriptural Hermeneutics, a subdivision of the Congregation of Interfaith Dialectics, has issued the finished manuscript containing his imprimatur. The required final scrutiny by the C.E.O of the Catholic Answering service and the Vortex Inquisition Commission has been notified and their approval and certification are immanently expected. The publication by the Official Vatican Press will commence after the approval and certifications are received and reviewed by Pope Francis.
Breaking News from the Vatican Party Shop:
Exciting the pundits of the secular press and the more liberal lobby leaders of Neo-Catholicism is the newest Vatican Party Shop line of Trad-bashing Piñatas. Designed as eye-catching cartoonish characterizations of the overtly pompous traditionalist clergy in their pre-Vatican II garb is where the fun begins. Smashing the treat-filled trad-clerical figures, especially those of the neo-Lefebvrian orders, is sheer delight and it is causing somewhat of a sensation even among the more sophisticated moderate neo-Catholic cults.
Rumor has it that the idea originated in the diocese of Buenos Aries, always a hotbed of anti-Lefebvre animosity and somehow made its way to the Vatican following the election of Pope Francis. Now the cool and amusing beating up on the trad-clerical piñatas and the like hung in effigy is spreading like an infectious virus throughout the neo-Catholic culture. The colorful candy filled clerics come in three basic sizes consisting of large, medium and even small for the more intimate occasions. Each anti-trad piñata comes individually gift wrapped and labeled with the name of your favorite trad-to-hate group prominently displayed. Right now the Franciscan Friars of the Immaculate are on the top of the hit list with the FFI nuns running a close second. There is however, a growing interest in smashing the Society of St. Pius X (SSPX) models and especially the Extraordinary Bishop Fellay piñata that is touted to be the party favorite of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.