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A-CNN, 4-24-2015 – Allium-Cepa has just learned that the director of the Vatican Press Office, Fr. Federico Lombardi, S.J., held an emergency press conference this morning. The purpose of the meeting was to announce to the media some particulars about the Missionaries of Mercy that Pope Francis will be dispatching…
Much to the thrill of fantasy fans everywhere, a previously unknown novel in the Fellowship of the Rings saga has recently been discovered in an attic in Painswick, England. What follows is brief review of The Return of the Two Towers.The novel opens with the introduction of a new Tolkien…
Cardinal Angelo Amato, Prefect of the Congregation for the Causes of Saints, has announced, on the heels of the recent beatification of Pope Paul VI, an exciting new candidate for beatification on the increasingly crowded Expressway to the Ever-Widening Gate of Heaven. It seems that Cardinal Walter Kasper, President Emeritus…
The Remnant's Rome correspondents have just translated an article written by noted Vaticanist Sandy Maestro, who writes for the Italian paper Viva Il Papa. The paper has heard from certain anonymous Vatican officials that the Holy See is targeting a Traditionalist Catholic writer from the United States for a possible…
A new  kids' book written by Peter Rockintail  This is a charming tale in which the Holy Father Bishop of Rome Francis visits the poverty stricken, yet faithful, Catholic Rabbit family and brings them a message of hope and mercy, as well as the information Mr and Mrs Rabbit need to…
A-CNN Breaking Story: The Catholic Church in its ecumenical wisdom and neo-exegesis tradition with and by the authority expressly granted by the Second Vatican Council document proclamation of SACROSANCTUM CONCILIUM, DECREES: 50. The rite of the Mass is to be revised in such a way that the intrinsic nature and…
A-CNN Special Report: In the continuing efforts to erase every vestige of the Pre-Vatican II Church, Ima Cardinal Hairatik addressed an assembly of the newly-formed World Homogenous Association To Elevate Various Erroneous Religions (W.H.A.T.E.V.E.R) to update what was once known as the Seven Deadly Sins in the Rigid Commands (R.C.)…
“The Pope has opened the windows and doors of the post-Second Vatican Council Catholic Church to the wonderful world that it once mistakenly viewed as a place of darkness needing the light of Christendom.”   Breaking News: The Vatican Press Office just released a statement concerning the Vatican Plan for a…
A-CNN Report—In the continuing Spirit of Vatican II, Ima Cardinal Hairatik, a reliable Vatican spokesperson, has issued a statement declaring the “New Options” of the “catholic” church, formerly known in more rigid times as The Precepts of the Church. These former Commands of the Church were given for the spiritual…
A GALAXY NOT THAT FAR FAR AWAY.  (January 1, 2015)  The Congregation for Human Worship and the Un-discipline of the Sacraments -- until the resignation of Pope Emeritus Benedict, formerly known as (f/k/a) Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments -- today announced that in an audience with Auxiliary Bishop…
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