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Vatican spokesman Fr. Federico Lombardi announced today that the Holy Father, Pope Francis, will make a quick trip to Chicago in order to appear on a special episode of the Jerry Springer Show. Father Lombardi announced that Pope Francis, who is in the U.S. this week, was contacted by Mr.…
At a press conference in Saint Peter’s today, ISIS spokesman Mohamoud Al-Mohammed Bin-Mohamad officially withdrew the ISIS Fatwah against the Holy Father, Pope Francis.  Welcoming the gesture as a victory for inter-faith dialogue, Pope Francis pressed the issue further, calling for easing of the European ban on honor killings.  The…
A-CNN Special Report:  As everyone knows trying to keep a secret in the Vatican with all its porous walls is not the easiest thing to do. The latest conversation centers on Pope Francis’ plans to visit Cuba and meet with the Castro Brothers as part of his goodwill tour to the…
September 5, 2015

Kasper/Marx Wedding Update

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Thanks to some crack work by A-CNN reporters Fortino and Baker we can confirm that Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York will be acting as the groomsmaid at the upcoming Kasper/Marx wedding, and that the happy couple are registered in the Vatican gift shop. Cardinal Dolan will wear a pink…
Archbishop Auza was the big winner at yesterday’s UN Global Domination through Deception awards ceremony.   Archbishop Auza, the Holy See’s ambassador to the UN, took home the coveted “George Orwell – Lewis Carroll Jabberwocky Double Speak” award which recognizes excellence in incomprehensible “clarifications.” The Archbishop won the award for “clarifying”…
In his daily meditation during Mass at Santa Marta on September 1, 2015, Pope Francis focussed on Saint Paul’s directive to Christians that they should comfort and give each other hope. He then told Catholics to consider God’s Final Judgment and stop talking about theology or what the Church and…
Yesterday evening when speaking with A-CNN reporter, Dees Astor, Donald Trump noted his sincere feelings of indebtedness to Pope Francis for his recent bump in the polls. “Prior to Laudato si, I mean, there were a lot of Republican candidates out there, and some of them had a good shot…
In light of the upcoming 2015 Synod on the Family, Father Federico Lombardi, the Vatican spokesman, has stated that it is quite possibly the Holy Father’s will that the Synod fathers tackle the issue of a drafting a Constitution for the entire world. “The Holy Father has said that it…
The neo-Catholic world is outraged over the stunning discovery of a hi-tech electric chair plot and its intended plan to spiritually jolt Pope Francis at the September 26-27 World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia. The discovery was made serendipitously by an FBI undercover agent working with local law enforcement officials…
Shortly after the election of the current Bishop of Rome, it became alarmingly apparent that a new Pontifical Council had to be instituted--The Pontifical Council for Damnum Imperium (Damage Control). Never before in the history of the Holy Roman Catholic Church has such a drastic measure been necessary. However, due…
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