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May 12, 2014

Vatican Announces Exciting New Saint Lottery

Written by  James Cunningham
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St. Dalai, Patron of Happy Thoughts St. Dalai, Patron of Happy Thoughts

A-CNN EXCLUSIVE: The Vatican recently announced that the Congregation for the “Causes of the Saints” has initiated a new program for beatifications. The opportunity for Sainthood will no longer be restricted to martyrs or to those who have shown heroic virtue but, just as importantly, those who have been a nice person following his or her conscience.

This will be a monthly, first time ever, revolutionary new beatification lottery with no denominational restrictions; even atheists can enter. All persons are invited to submit their names along with a short autobiography and selfie to any parish office displaying a Sign that reads: “Official Lucky-Saint Lottery”.

There are no other requirements but, a contribution to the Social Justice Society or the Democratic Party will be very much appreciated.

In the spirit of Vatican II and ecumenism the winner of each month’s drawing will receive a certificate of Sainthood signed by the Pope along with an autographed picture of President Obama with the Pope in the Vatican that will be suitable for framing.

Don’t miss this wonderful opportunity to impress your family and friends with a genuine Saint Certificate; join the many who already enjoy this coveted prize and see the difference it will make in your own life.

Everyone goes to Heaven but, not everyone wins the Lucky-Saint Lottery. You can enter as often as you like and who knows, you too might be the next lucky person who will have your spirit lifted up to the stars. 

Read 1552 times Last modified on May 13, 2014