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April 21, 2016

Cyrus to boot Jackson from face of $20 Featured

Written by  Matt Michaels
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After months of debate and controversy, Treasury Secretary Jack Lew announced plans to redesign the $20 bill to include the face of a woman (at least for the moment) who represents "everything America means to the world today".

Lew confirmed that Andrew Jackson will move from the face of the $20 to make way for pop superstar, Miley Cyrus—a decision which supporters of Jackson contend means that a certified moron has now been selected to grace the face of a U.S. banknote.

"I think Miss Cyrus represents our finest hour," said Lew. "This bill is going to come in like a wrecking ball, sure, but that's the message we want to send with our currency. You know what? We never meant to start a world war but we’re going to wreck your world if you don’t let democracy in."

The updated bills will also be the first in U.S. history to include a tactile feature to aid the blind, which Lew noted was another important aspect to the message: "We want everyone, even blind people, to be able to send the message that America rocks like no other nation in the world."

"Ellen Degeneres on the $10, this I get," one reported noted at Wednesday's press conference, "but why Cyrus on the $20?"

"What Cyrus did to free young people from having to think," Lew said, "was monumental. And she did it mostly in her birthday suit. She showed the world what it means to be American and to be free. And that's a legacy of what a single individual can do in a democracy."

Cyrus wasn't available for comment, but her tweet yesterday sort of says it all: “I don’t understand why Michael Jackson was on the $20 in the first place. Yo, ya’ll, check me out. #mileyrockstwenties.”

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