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December 4, 2015

A Word from the St. Martina Luther Feminist Institute of Advanced Ecumenical Heresy

Written by  Enid Ecumaniac
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Enid Enid

We wymmin of all genders and of none at the St. Martina Luther Feminist Institute of Advanced Ecumenical Heresy are delighted to have been approached by the well-known news corporation “A-CNN” who wanted to know where we are coming from as wymmin and to listen - in total silence and respect because I’m talking - to our position on Catholic ecumania, what it is, where it is now and where it’s going in the future.

But first, I have to start by protesting at the oppression of us wymmin by electric chargers, the insidious method by which patriarchal structures repress wymmin through modern technology. I went to plug in my laptop today and I had to use my charger. As a womb-in, I am greatly worried by the way the plug gets “forced” into the socket. The plug is called the “male” and the socket is called the “female” - an obvious use of the dialectic of rape to frighten us wymmin away from careers in information technology.

Terms like “male” and “female” are oppressive, and those who use such language are obviously ignorant of the fact that gender is a purely social construct that has nothing to do with biology. To refer to plug-in chargers as “male” and sockets as “female” reinforces a hetero-normative culture where people cannot decide what gender they are based on their feelings, which we all know is the true determinant of gender. When I plugged in my charger, I noticed that my laptop had to remain perfectly still, while the charger cord could flail around at its own discretion. Could there be any clearer sign that the “female” needs to just stay still, preferably in the kitchen, while the “male” can do whatever it wants?

Where was I? Ah yes, ecumania.

Catholic ecumania started with Vatican II, that great liberation of the essence of “womb-in”. At first, it was touted as a way by which the Church would reach out to separated systerhood and bring all systers back under one, Catholic roof. But this aim was itself patriarchal in that it nodded towards “truth”, “control” and “subservience”. So we very quickly moved onto the ecumania we have today, in which all systers (and brothers, although of course they are not the concern of our Institute) are seen as valid and are included whatever their beliefs. We are all one under the Spirit and in the Spirit and the Spirit is Gaia (not Jim Beam, as some vicious male brutes have said about our Institute’s last Yuletide Party).

As I said to Father Leroy, no old male fool in Rome is going to tell me that Mrs Singh who owns the corner shop down the road is not as equal as we are, although I myself would shy away from throwing myself onto her husband’s funeral pyre which is apparently the cultural norm in India where she comes from. As I have no husband, that won’t be happening to me! And we have developed very close relations with the Montezuma brothers across town who run the local Aztec Human Sacrifice Chapel.

It’s become clear that underneath the blood and gore are two very kind hearts and a religious culture that reaches out to the Cosmos just as we do. The obsidian knives are merely their version of the Catholic thurible and dalmatic. We are still waiting to hear from them what happened to our three members who visited them last Summer and haven’t been seen since but I for one believe their story that our laydys have gone to Peru to study under their High Priest.

We also have excellent relations with the local Hindu Temple. Shaylene and I are now Adepts in the worship of Kali, the Goddess of Death. It’s great fun and I can certainly approve of the chicken curry which is served after every ritual strangling!

That’s where ecumania is now. Where is it going in the future? Well, the future is “now”, and it’s clear that the Church is finally following the Institute’s lead. In order to achieve ecumania’s objective of an Earthly Nirvana, the Holy Mother Ms. Bergoglia has focused on the danger to the ecosystem of an unrestrained male dominance of the planet’s resources.

Thus, global warming (or cooling) are the hot (or cold) flushes of our goddess Gaia who regulates the chakras of our earthly existence. Our ecumaniacal theological researches and actions are now almost exclusively aimed at the worship of Gaia, using such religious tools as psychotherapy, full-body massage with jasmine oil essences and liturgical dancing in graveyards where we are particularly in touch with those who have gone before us.

There is a long way to go. Even now, fifty years after the Council, there are still some people who call themselves “Traditional Catholics” and hold to the previous medieval, judgemental, sin and prayer-based paradigm which simply cannot reach where the Spirit can.

Or should I say “the spirits”! At our ecumaniacal events, it’s obligatory to wear our “Satan” (pat pending) anti-ectoplasmic wet-suits as many spirits attend, swooping down on us from the firmament and shedding ectoplasm as they go. It’s all wonderful of course, with just one worrying aspect: we haven’t managed to discover yet why they all have those flaming red eyes … .

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