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September 1, 2015

Cardinals Kasper and Marx to Wed in Irish Ceremony

Written by  John Fisher
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Walter and Reinhard Walter and Reinhard

A-CNN has learned that Cardinal Kasper and Cardinal Marx are to wed in an Irish ceremony in November. Sources close to the happy groom and groom tell us that they have been very much in love since before Pope Francis ascended to the throne of Peter, but that they have been waiting for the Holy Spirit to prepare the world for the unique gifts they possess prior to scheduling their wedding. It is expected by the two men that the Spirit will prepare the world at the Synod on the Family in October.

It is believed that the couple are planning on adopting three children, a number that the Holy Father recently stated he thinks is the “perfect number.” The Pope has also stated that Catholic families need not “breed like bunnies.”

The November ceremony is to take place in Dublin, and it is expected that Archbishop Diarmuid Martin will preside. Up until now there had been much speculation as to why Archbishop Martin did not speak forcefully against gay marriage during the recent Irish gay marriage referendum, but his expected involvement in the Kasper/Marx wedding seems to provide a definitive answer.

Their upcoming nuptials may have profound ramifications for the Catholic Church, as Cardinal Kasper may be rethinking his position on the “divorced and remarried” receiving Holy Communion. “Now that I think about it,” he reportedly told a close confidant, “maybe adultery is wrong. I certainly don’t want Reinhard cheating on me!”

Moreover, in an equally stunning development, the happy couple have stated that they will not be using birth control.

 

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