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August 26, 2015

Breaking news! Vatican planning on using Ashley Madison list for new converts!

Written by  Thomas More
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In a move that shocked few in the Vatican, Pope Francis has directed Cardinal Fernando Filoni, the Prefect of the Congregation for the Evangelization of Peoples, to “get his computer people to find the full list of Ashley Madison contributors.”

In making the announcement, a somewhat stunned and timid looking Cardinal Filoni said that “The Holy Father called me the other day and gave me the directive to research the list of participants on the site and to get in touch with them. In so doing the Holy Father mentioned that undoubtedly many of the participants were being judged quite harshly by their wives and their communities, and now was the perfect time to reach out to them and tell them that the Catholic Church doesn’t really care what they have been up to, they are welcome here.”

While emphasizing the avenue for growth in conversions that the Ashley Madison web site participants could give the Church, Cardinal Filoni also mentioned that Pope Francis had instructed him to pay particular attention to the participants who were looking for gay trysts through the site. “These people,” said Filoni, “are viewed by the Holy Father as being on the cutting-edge of mercy.”

In confirming his instructions at a separate press conference, Pope Francis clapped his hands with joy and said, “Yes, it is true, it came to me the other night in a dream of the Holy Spirit. To these people, who are so lost, and especially after the new synod, we can offer welcome and forgiveness, and a new network, which absolutely, I repeat, absolutely, cannot be hacked.”

 

Read 4090 times Last modified on August 26, 2015